The Tween Years: The Stage Nobody Really Warns You About
Everyone talks about teenagers. The attitude, the hormones, the eye rolls.
But no one really prepares you for what comes before that. That strange in-between stage where something starts to
shift and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
It usually starts around nine. Maybe ten.
They’re not little anymore, but they’re not teenagers either. They don’t need you in the same way, but somehow they
still need you just as much.
They push back. They want more independence. They close their bedroom door a bit more often.
And then, out of nowhere, they’ll sit next to you on the sofa and want a hug like they’re six again.
And you’re left wondering what’s actually going on.
This is the part no one really explains
It’s not a clean transition. There’s no clear moment where you think, right, we’re in the next stage now.
It just creeps in.
The conversations change. Answers get shorter. You start getting a bit less access than you used to.
What’s actually going on
They’re in the middle of a huge shift. Emotionally, socially, physically.
Their world is getting bigger. Friendships start to matter more. Opinions carry more weight. They become more aware of how they’re seen. And at the same time, they’re still young enough to feel everything very deeply.
Which is why it can feel like one minute they’re fine, the next everything is a big deal, and then suddenly they’re back to being your little person again.
It’s confusing for them. And if we’re honest, it’s confusing for us too.
The part that catches parents off guard
It’s rarely one big moment. It’s the slow shift. The sense that the easy closeness you had is changing.
There hasn’t been an argument. Nothing has gone wrong. But something feels different.
Less chatting. More “fine”, “nothing”, “I don’t know”.
And if we’re honest, it can feel like losing something.
What actually matters here
The distance isn’t the problem. It’s how we respond to it.
This stage isn’t about them pushing you away for good. It’s about them working out who they are, separate from you.
And that’s uncomfortable. For them and for us.
What keeps the connection
It’s not about asking more questions or trying to get things back to how they were. It’s about shifting how you connect.
Less pressure. Less “tell me everything”. More shared moments.
Watching something together. Sitting in the same space. Asking something light that opens a door without forcing it.
One thing worth holding onto
The tween years aren’t the beginning of losing the connection you had. They’re the start of something different.
Not as easy. Not as automatic. But still there.
It just needs more patience, more space, and more understanding.
And sometimes, all it takes is one well-timed question to bring that connection back into the room.
